…actually it’s a very short one. The film that is.
I cobbled together a short animation of my chubby, punk surfer from chapter 9 of Papersurfer. If you already have the book you can recreate this effect at home with a small pot of white paint, a sharp pair of scissors, some ordinary household bleach and a can of peaches.
The soundtrack I’ve chosen is ‘F-stop blues’. It was written by Jack Johnson during his filming of ‘September Sessions’ – a very excellent surf movie filmed in South East Asia. I chose it partly because I like the song and the film but mostly because I know several people who find Jack Johnson exceedingly annoying.
Of course I’ve never been one to follow advice (good or bad) so the possibility of me prattling on in a deranged manner with absolutely no discernible facts or points of interest eminating from this particular repository of minutia is, as always, quite high…
However, I would like to point out (assuming you got this far down the page before clicking ‘close’) that I am completely aware of the drudgery involved in trawling through blogs with endless monotribal effluential spoutings. So my advice to you (the reader of such floundering trivia, as proved by your continuing presence at this late point in the proceedings) is to go elsewhere for your internet based titillations. If, conversely, you love filling your capacious noggin with a wiffling load of random old nothingness – then by all means read this post as many times as you like.
Personally, I’m going for a lie down in a dark place…
Having spent several years floating around in the blogiverse one thing I can say is that if you haven’t got anything interesting to say then don’t say anything.
…I haven’t surfed at Cabedelo (Figueira de Foz) in a while. My lack of inertia since the winter months has been tough to shake and so has the additional layer of insulation I’ve been cultivating. The waves there are a bit punchier than most around the Peniche area so you need to be pretty fit to make the most of the better days. I timed the paddle out beautifully, the rip whisking me out back in a few moments. A short paddle across the bay led me straight into a perfect left. It was surf-video perfect, a clean long range swell groomed by the light offshore wind lifting up over the banks at just over head high. I was in just the right spot and the wave lifted the back of the board and threw me down the face into a deep bottom turn. After making some good speed mid face I raked out one more bottom turn and then lifted up and over the closing lip. It was the first ‘real’ wave of the year for me. It left me grinning and shaking as I paddled back out to sea…
What followed was a series of humbling events that involved an unexpected, much bigger set. Some underwater time. Lots of flailing and floundering. Some more underwater time. A bit more flailing and finally some nice relaxing ‘down time’ on the beach with just me, my thoughts and my crushed and fragile ego for company.
After a while I stood up (manfully) strode back into the sea (again in a manly way) and then repeated the last paragraph (not quite so manly at this point).
At which point I decided to focus carefully on the first paragraph and strode casually to the car – grinning once again. I then ate a large chocolate cake and drove home. Perfect.
I surfed today. For about 8 seconds. Which sometimes is just enough…
The snail (incidentally) has absolutely nothing to do with anything but could be misconstrued as representing the above post. In a loose metaphorical way.
For new arrivals to Papersurfer you probably arrived here through the global sensation the people are calling ‘google’. The theory being that you type in some keywords and you get to view a web page with relevant content. Some of you came here looking for inspiration that follicly challenged, slightly overweight men can (and do) surf with passion and dedication. You were looking for reassurance that your belief that surfing is better than real life is not misguided and that others share your views. Your beliefs and convictions. Your love…
Others came here to find spank fodder.
Some of you will be very disappointed.
I didn’t surf today. I hope I won’t be able to type this tomorrow…
…due to a painful and excessively embarrassing incident involving an ancient snowboard, a distinct lack of finesse and my unprotected coccyx – I’ve been spending too much time cruising the interweave for idle stimulation. In an attempt to distract my mind from my aching derrière I’ve found myself following numerous threads on surfing forums and surf video upload sites.
Expecting to find like-minded souls dissecting the fabric of the universe in a suitable complicated and organic manner I found anger and disparity amongst brethren. I found fellow surfers using expletives suitable to sailing folk and a level of rage usually found only within the studio walls of the Jerry Springer show.
I am horrified that people can spend so much of their precious moments on this planet finding ways to insult each other. They should be giving each other big virtual hugs – not hurling internetty hatred around. It makes me mad to think that creative energy is wasted on purile filth and lazy humour. Haven’t these idiots got anything better to do than whittle away their lives in cyberspace – making facile obsevations about people that they don’t even know. What a bunch of plebianic morons – making up flobbing great, narky, shite words that aren’t even real flippin English. Get a pigging life you tossing no hoper wanky bar-stewards before you give us intellectual surfers a bad name….
…something a bit different to ease through the Easter weekend with. A mellow selection of beats and chilledness to aid in the excessive consumption of chocolate bunnies and surrender to that extra bottle of Cider. When Uncle Roger’s snoring starts to resonate and the mother-in-law is really getting on your tits – just turn it up a bit…
(I’m not sure if iTunes will let this get through their filters – so if it’s blocked just download it from here.)
…over a decade ago a good friend gave me a snowboard. He was upgrading from intermediate to advanced in the sport of ‘I can throw myself down a ridiculously steep mountain without dying’ and thought it was time I gave it a go. Whether this means he likes me or not is yet to be determined.
Sadly that snowboard has spent that entire time being stacked on top of wardrobes, buried under building materials and lost in sheds. It has changed from a vivid red to a pale and sickly orange. Its intrepid snowy spirit had been lost, its dull and unwaxed body losing any hope of returning to its rightful activity of carving through snow.
Last week I finally made the pilgrimage up to the Serra da Estrela to catch the last snow of the season. I went to lose my snowboarding virginity and strap that lonely board to my feet…
I learned several things that day:
Snowboards should be used for snowboarding – it is a good time indeed.
Button lifts can hurt your ‘tenders’ if you don’t pay attention.
This is the first instalment of digital mixing from the Aphrodisiac workshops. A moochy, groovy blend of deep house with some dub disco undertones possibly suitable for some recreational culinary activities.
I’d probably make pancakes to this mix- maybe wearing a small, floral pinafore and some pink rubber gloves. I would – but I have no eggs.
This pinny sure feels good though…
Tracklist is as follows (all MP3 mixed with digital decks)
…from some viewpoints this may just look like a snapshot of an insect in a bush. And that is of course true – it is the rear view of ‘bombus terrestris’ – but in reality it represents so much more…
This innocent creature has no contemplation of the complicated world it occupies as it hastens from delicate flower to blossoming bloom – it’s feeding frenzy facilitating an orgy of cross-pollination. This tiny drone cannot see the beauty of the vessel that it drinks from or realise the important role it has in maintaining the intricate balance of the ecospherical manifestation that we call ‘life on Earth’.
It knows not the immeasurable value of the breath of wind that lightly transports it between each beautiful, fascinating engine of photosynthesis. A timeless factory that creates life from pure elements – air, water and soil. It is a miracle. A joy. A perfect moment in time and space…
Or maybe it’s just a Bumblebee’s arse.
I didn’t surf today. Too tired from surfing for the rest of the week…
More photos of naturey stuff can be found at my flickr pages.
...proudly sporting a ridiculous mini-mal I marched boldly from the surf shop. Stopping briefly to hand my spectacles to a passer-by I stumbled blindly into the sea...
