What shall I write a blog post about…?

…please send answers on a postcard to the ‘Penfold doesn’t know what to write about competition’.

Prizes may include:

  1. A post dedicated to you.
  2. A pair of DaddyP‘s underpants (chemically cleaned by professionals).
  3. A free subscription to Twitter.
  4. Private surf lessons from Tango in a bikini.
  5. Breast enhancement surgery from the Penfold carpentry workshop.

Of course several of the above answers may be unavailable at any particular time for any number of reasons. For example – DaddyP may not actually own a single pair of underpants and be going ‘commando’ for all eternity – scrotum and trouser gusset in perfect harmony. Twitter may already be free and widely available to any idiot out there with the will to wiffle wantonly and Tango in a bikini may only be available if I were to win my own competition (but that may be construed as ‘insider trading’).

So if the post dedication seems unsuitable then I would be quite happy to knock you up a pair of splintery wooden norks out of some old floorboards and a selection of rusty 4″ nails…

I didn’t surf today.

This entry was written by penfold, posted on April 5, 2009 at 1:02 pm, filed under on my mind and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

25 Comments

  1. lucy
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    oh, lorks, i was going to ask YOU to suggest something for ME to blog about. arse.

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 5th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    I am absolutely no help whatsoever. My mind is blank. Vacuous. Sem luz. Estou desligado. Nada, nichts, zip and diddly squat.
    If we get really desperate we could ask DP for help (just kidding).

    [reply to this comment]
  2. Daddy Papersurfer
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    Now …. this is what I call a post – brilliant, to the point, full of lacking content, incisive, marginally more fun than watching paint dry, the promise of prizes to die for [if I win a bikini-clad Tango for instance I'd definitely be killed by several people probably] …….. marvellous.

    Spookily, I’m running a competition tomorrow with a real prize ……. I might have to rethink the whole concept now ……

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 6th, 2009 at 9:41 am

    A T-shirt designed – sorry – inspired by you. That surely is a jewel to be tresured. I must remember to leave a comment on your blog this month…

    [reply to this comment]
  3. Daddy Papersurfer
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 2:19 pm | Permalink

    BTW, I’m only too happy to help you and young Lucy – just speak to my unguent …… anything to oil the wheels of creativity …….

    [reply to this comment]
  4. kpx
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 2:26 pm | Permalink

    Do you HAVE to mention specific DP body parts? Ugh!

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 6th, 2009 at 9:49 am

    Sorry Ma. You shouldn’t have to deal with such notions.

    [reply to this comment]
  5. kpx
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    (I like the sheep.x)

    [reply to this comment]
  6. tNb
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 7:23 pm | Permalink

    Hmmm, surfing lessons with Tango sounds only slightly more painful than splintery wooden “norks” …

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 6th, 2009 at 9:53 am

    I have some sandpaper…

    [reply to this comment]
  7. gitwizard
    Posted April 5, 2009 at 9:31 pm | Permalink

    I’ve got writer’s block too, but there’s some good
    surfin pics you could steal over at ‘Nanny Goats in Panties’………………….

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 6th, 2009 at 11:30 am

    I think I’ve met those ladies in the sea before. Yikes…

    [reply to this comment]
  8. Somnambulist
    Posted April 6, 2009 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    I could actually do with a couple of knockers, both the doorbells have stopped working. This electrical apathy appears to be contagious.

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 6th, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    2 doorbells? Greedy…
    I’m sure I could whittle you a nice pair of knockers to decorate your front portal if so desired. Hand finishing is recommended for perfect resonance…

    [reply to this comment]
    Somnambulist replied: April 7th, 2009 at 8:21 am

    More the case of two entrances, requiring two doors, requiring two finely hand-moulded, vigorously rubbed appendages. Or possibly new batteries.

    [reply to this comment]
  9. twin
    Posted April 7, 2009 at 4:43 am | Permalink

    will the splintery norks improve my surfing…?

    I surfed…yesterday. (finally…after almost 3 months out of the water)

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: April 7th, 2009 at 8:03 am

    They may dent your deck but can be used as an emergency wax comb if necessary.
    Glad to hear that you are back in the water – when are you coming over for a surf…? x

    [reply to this comment]
  10. Stinkypaw
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 6:39 am | Permalink

    Happy Birthday man!! All the best & then some! xox

    [reply to this comment]
  11. Zed
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 6:51 am | Permalink

    Happy Birthday – hope the surf’s good today!
    xxx

    [reply to this comment]
  12. daisyfae
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    you could write about your earliest birthday memory? your most favorite birthday memory? what would your ideal birthday be like? write one word for each year of your life so far… or just animate the sheep, make it jump up and down, flailing it’s little arms, and say “happy birthday”…

    [reply to this comment]
  13. Daddy Papersurfer
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 7:30 am | Permalink

    Happy Birthday to yoooooooou
    Squashed tomatoes and stewwwwwww
    Bread and butter in the gutter
    Happy Birthday day to youuuuuuuuuuuu!

    Where’s my present?

    xxx

    [reply to this comment]
  14. gitwizard
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 7:44 am | Permalink

    Happy Surfday ! Have a good one !

    [reply to this comment]
  15. Linky Love
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 8:19 am | Permalink

    You could write about all the birthday presents you always wished for but never got from commentator number 12.

    XXX

    [reply to this comment]
  16. Linky Love
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    aaaaaaw, sorry daisyfai, I meant the commentator number 13

    [reply to this comment]
  17. tNb
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 9:28 am | Permalink

    Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Feliz aniversario Handsome!

    Best get your whirling pants on so you’re ready when your present finally arrives … xxx

    [reply to this comment]
  18. sylvied
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    I read somewhere it was your birthday!!!

    Happy Birthday! I trust you to celebrate accordingly :)

    [reply to this comment]
  19. penfold
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    Thanks to one and all.

    In accordance with my current age I have decided to spend the day sewing mothballs into my trouser-hems and sucking some Wurthers with my teeth out…

    [reply to this comment]
    kpx replied: April 10th, 2009 at 10:08 am

    ??? You’re picking up some funny habits in them thar hills!

    [reply to this comment]
  20. Somnambulist
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 10:41 am | Permalink

    Feliz Ano Novo!!

    (or something)

    [reply to this comment]
  21. 70steen
    Posted April 10, 2009 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

    Hippy Burpday Pen … hope you have a gud ‘un :-)

    [reply to this comment]
  22. nursemyra
    Posted April 11, 2009 at 9:27 am | Permalink

    just saw on daddyp’s blog that it was your birthday so raced over to send you a virtual Aussie Kiss (TM)

    hope you have a fabulous year

    [reply to this comment]
  23. db
    Posted April 11, 2009 at 1:47 pm | Permalink

    Hey shark fin; There is no surf just wind and rain!!!. Sorry i forgot yesterday, happy birthday (are you as old as me yet?)
    all the best
    db

    [reply to this comment]
  24. Olga, the Traveling Bra
    Posted April 12, 2009 at 6:01 pm | Permalink

    Better late than never….HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

    [reply to this comment]
  25. Nancy Newton
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:26 am | Permalink

    You know what, this post was over a year ago but it still makes me laugh and I just don’t have that wit to post like this one if I don’t have anything to post on my blog. Just brilliant! Oh I would just use natural breast enlargement process, maybe its too expensive at the Penfold carpentry workshop lol

    [reply to this comment]
    penfold replied: September 10th, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Thank you Nancy and welcome. Natural enhancement would be a much better option. Nothing worse than a badly sanded nork…

    [reply to this comment]

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