I was sitting out back at Cantinho yesterday. Only a few people were out (surprising for a saturday) with a nice clean head high swell coming through. It was tending to close out but there’s nothing like dropping into a dumping barrel to wake you in the morning. AD and myself were discussing whether or not to surf the next peak over where a local junior bodyboard competition was going off and decided being beaten up by a gang of 12 year olds was probably exceedingly humiliating and opted to stay put.
Then from nowhere a ‘goat-boater’ paddled out and sat in the line up. A ‘goat-boat’ being a small surf kayak normally inhabited by a slightly overweight middle aged man who wants to get in on the surf thing. They also tend to be quite dangerous, idiotic and quite frankly a pain up the arse.
He was quite amiable and smiley. Nodded to a few people and said hello – then for no reason at all he flipped his canoe upside down. I think he was practicing an eskimo roll but he foolishly left out the roll bit. After an alarmingly long time he tried to un-upside down himself – caught half a gulp of air and went back under. Then he tried again but only took a mouthful of water. He tried once more and failed completely and seemed to be turning a rather attractive shade of purple.
People had stopped laughing at this point and realised he wasn’t just a twat he was a drowning twat – I ditched my board and swam over to help just as he slid out of his kayak and bobbed to the surface. After he’d got his breath back he said to me brightly
‘well – you have to practice these things – don’t you?’Â to which I answered ‘maybe you should try practicing somewhere else – like a river or a paddling pool!’
Then (unfortunately I missed this but AD had a ringside seat) just as he had managed to clamber back into his goatboat whilst inadvertently facing the beach a rather large set came through and landed on his head shoving him to the ocean floor and then tumbling him unceremoniously to the beach in a small heaving lump.
There’s a lesson to be learned there. (Not sure what it is ….. all will become clear one day)
I surfed today.