Ouch I stubbed my brain…


I can’t remember the last time I used the ‘maths’ part of my brain. I fear atrophy is rife. A small withered lump of dry gristle now dwells where a toned rippling muscle once stood tall.
Armed with a piece of paper, a tape measure, a big pile of timber and a scientific calculator my mission was simple – measure a big square hole and fill it with a staircase.
The measuring was a breeze – snappy and stylish – even the occassional flourish in tape measure handling. What a pro.
Tools out – superb. Saw bench, router, various set squares and honing devices – looking good.
Then I picked up the paper and the calculator and all went quiet – I think a synapse had snapped – my brain had stalled.

Nothing. Nada. Zip – diddly squat. Bugger.

The difficulty was the ‘fan’ at the top. Four stairs turning through 90 degrees – like a quarter of a spiral staircase.
Where was Tiggz when I needed him? He used to be the fine fettler of all things wooden. This would be when I would delegate with great efficiency and wander off looking for something manly to do….

Tea… that would help. Pencil sharpening – also a good thing. A dull thud at the back of my head and a distant memory of someone called Pythagorus. Hypotenueses and square roots. More tea and a sit down. Cripes.
Slowly a dim shape formed in my mind – a three dimensional image of lines and numbers. Layers of dust and grime fell away revealing ancient memories of technical drawing and trigonometry that have been dormant for years.

The lines and numbers started to solidify under my newly sharpened pencil and slowly a plan took shape. At this point the well excercised ‘tool-handling’ section of my cerebellum took over and I could relax into production mode.
I’m not sure if the maths department is something that I want to awaken very often but it’s good to know that it will still fire up if the need arises (even if it could do with a few sessions at the gym!)…

I didn’t surf today but I did math!


  1. And Math is important… my problem these days is I spend all of my time with two little people to whom I feel I have to I say things like… wubby… baba.. blanky… binky and other nonsensical words of that like… I fear that I am losing all of my adult language skills and by the time they learn to talk I will end up sounding like the Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man…

  2. Fans at the top are a problem. As always if you want my help please don’t hesitate and never forget the windmills in your pants – one of those at the top might help.[Oh and British people say Maths, you’ve been talking with Paula for too long.’Who de lickle poobumkin then?’

  3. You said the bad word MATH. I have a final Friday and I fear defeat. Imaginary numbers? Radical expressions that aren’t tubular? Rational equations that defy my rationalities. Ugghhh. Math is the bad word of this week.

  4. I fear I’ve heard the snapping of another synapse.
    I know, I’m supposed to be the nice one, sorry. I’m in permanent editorial mode. However the tool handling sounds most impressive and I have every confidence in the finished article.

  5. PQ – I know how you feel – although I can now have adult conversations with my son dealing with my Dad is a somewhat ‘simple’ experience…

  6. Try helping your fifteen year old with linear equations 36 years after you last did one..
    Fun blog mate.. eccentrically English.
    Must be why I married a Pom.
    The rusty van down below looks like its parked at Merbein camping Park near Watergate Bay.
    It can’t be but it looks such an English setting.

  7. I never thought I’d enjoy reading a post about math. And staircases. But I did!

    But you probably shouldn’t pay attention to a girl who’s missing the math gene or chromosome or whatever the hell it is that enables one to deal with numbers.

  8. abacus
    right angles

    …mmmmmath it up.

    Yeah…I didn’t surf today either.

  9. Ooh Nursie – I love it when you love when I talk dirty…
    Hey Lizza – ta. I don’t think that it’s something you’ll miss…
    Ms. MM – clever knickers… (big swell hitting the west coast here at the weekend – ooer)

  10. Danielle – sorry for swearing! I’m not sure wishing you luck will be enough for all that (may I suggest cheating somehow?)
    KPX – Thanks for the spell cheque mumsy.
    Hi Mick – cheers for popping in. (you married a Pom because my blog is eccentric?)(PS your link was dead)

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