Penfold’s building tip’s – lesson 2


Lesson 2 – not getting sacked on day one.

Beautifully draped in your newly aquired building attire the first hurdle is to categorise yourself in a particular trade.

Options include:-

Chippy. This is not a purveyor of the great British edible delicacy known as chips. This is a person that cuts long bits of wood into shorter bits of wood and makes then into house shapes. Areas of expertise include making roofs, walls and moaning that other lesser mortals are in their way. One of the most complicated trades requiring a large number of tools, skills and years of experience. So best leave that to the professionals.

Sparky. The humble electrician. Carries a small but clean and expensive toolkit. Doesn’t like getting dirty or doing long hours. Tuts alot and is very skilled at drilling holes in newly finished plaster. Qualifications needed, so that’s no good.

Plumber. The clue’s in the name. A rare and instinctively shy creature. Generally arrives just as the kettle boils. Spends an excruciating length of time covering the floor in tools and pieces of copper just in time to start clearing up to head off to another job just up the road. They might be able to give you a job if you can find one to ask.

Spread. The man who covers big grey walls with lots of wet grey stuff then tries to make it flat. A good plasterer is hard to find, they work hard and drink harder, but it is an exclusive club and getting in is tough…

Brickie. Similar to the spread but they make the big grey walls that get covered in wet grey stuff. They must have a strong regional accent of some sort. Preferably Scouse or Irish. No others need apply.

So that leaves two areas to start your career in and they are the donkey and the monkey. Each has slightly different social status. One carries things all day, the other spends all day hitting things with a large hammer.

After several years they might let you do both…

Next time – buying your first tool…

I didn’t surf today.


  1. I have a few Pa. No rusty old blunt things from your shed!
    PQ – surf tips are Saturdays only I’m afraid. Did you get lesson 5 from last week? But there will be more…

  2. Oh bother! I don’t mind being beautifully draped, but I refuse to be categorised.

    Re the rusty old blunt (sorry Bill) things; those days are gone and so is the shed.

  3. Bill – you are obviously a man who knows his monkeys from his gaffers.
    Ma – you have a category all your own…
    Arch – you’re right. Nuts…

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