Some days the spark seems to have gone…

fuse

A stormy day that never quite happened. The air seemed to get heavier and thicker and the clouds were brewing up for a spectacular light show. A few distant grumblings from a sky with not enough space for the weather held beneath, some brief flashes across the hills and a spattering of oversized rain. Then nothing.

Some days the tranquility and beauty that surrounds this place just isn’t enough for me – it only seems to reflect the solitude and the holes in parts of my life. Spaces that used to be constantly filled with family and friends. Now some get replenished occassionally but there are holes that have such individual impressions they can never be filled. Maybe I don’t want them to be but it doesn’t stop them aching at times.
These last few years have been a staunch lesson in real life for me – the reshaping of a family and the home that held it – and the death a close and beautiful friend who – ironically I suppose – would be the one getting a call on day’s like today…
For a moment I thought I’d lost my mother and I even lost a grip on my own hand for a while…
I keep waiting for the storm to break – one way or the other. I want lightning and hail and thunder that makes dog’s howl. I want the sunshine breaking through the darkness and lighting up the mountains like a wall of gold.
But today the clouds just keep rolling past pushing the humid air down.

Maybe I should go for a surf… sounds like a bleedin’ good idea to me.

15 Replies to “Some days the spark seems to have gone…”

  1. i’ve been watching a HUGE cloud growing over Lisbon all day… never did a damn thing. Nothing I like more than HUGE GARGANTUAN GERT ‘NORMOUS storms.

    hope the surf was erm… wavy?

  2. ooh, ooh, we got the rain! air feels lovely and fresh now, and a nightingale is singing outside. mmmmm. ok, yes, i am a little drunk so life seems merrier. anyways, hope you’re feeling more cheerful soon, and if you need to fill up some of your spare time how’s about that dinner then?

  3. It was suggested by a government minister the other day that it might be a good idea to electronically tag the forgetful elderly in order to avoid mislaying them.?
    How’s the weather today my little poobumkins?

  4. um… I don’t understand the reference to almost losing your mother but I’m sorry you’re feeling sparkless today.

    hope having a horde of virtual friends helps a little

    nursemyra sends you a kiss x

  5. Things could be worse. You could have gone through part of your life with a nickname like mine. You know what papersurfer, life changes and on the down nostalgic days you ache for the past but you do still have friends and people who love you (and i’ve not been on the gin) so wait for the storm to pass…….. coz it will. Its all you can do. Come on you are a surfer. Ride the wave. Isnt it all about the eternal search for the perfect wave?

  6. Sei bem como é: as feridas saram, mas as cicatrizes ficam, deixam a marca indelével da dor e parecem rir-se de nós. E aquele pedaço de pele nunca mais será o mesmo…

  7. Thanks all.
    Soph – Dinner sounds good will bell you.
    Ma – Tagging sounds good. I wonder how long the batteries last. The weather’s fine, in an enormous hailstormy rainy kind of way.
    Nursemyra – Kisses – nurses – grrrr.
    Lucy – Riddled here too… hurrah.
    Sogz – thanks hun.
    Lizza – they must surely have been very wise 😉

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