The Horses Head

Going to the mattresses‘ is a line from one of the all time great movies of the 20th century – a gritty and tormenting drama about urban warfare in one of the most deadly cities in the world. I am of course talking about ‘You’ve Got Mail’ starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan.

Anyway, this refers to a time of war and conflict when no other path is open to the opposing factions. This week I am waging war on my sinus cavities. Having tried several forms of antibiotic and every hippy concoction known to hey man I have elected to flood my nasal cavities with a mixture of saline water, sodium bicarbonate and hydrogen pyroxide.

Not only will this flush out all infected mucous and blood from my sinuses but I’m hoping the searing pain will temporarily distract me from the headache I’ve had for nearly 4 months.

They do say that a change is as good as a rest.

I didn’t surf today. Meh.

Endoscopic introspection…

A couple of days ago a very nice man from Eastern Europe gently took some of my blood whilst asking me random questions about my health and peered into my eyes and ears. He then sent me for some chest and head X-rays (just to make sure that I hadn’t confused my sinus issues with lung cancer or some kind of cranial injury). The blood tests then came back and we summised that I didn’t have a host of other diseases or injuries completely unrelated to sinuses.

Just when I was beginning to lose faith in modern medicine he sent me to the ENT (ear, nose and throat) department where a real doctor probed the innermost sanctity of my mucous membranes with an unfeesibly long (well lubricated) instrument and proceeded to explain very clearly exactly what happens when a cheap airline lands too quickly for cranial barometric equalisation to occur efficiently and the partial vacuum formed in the front portion of your skull gets filled with blood instead of air (via a burst blood vessel). The full and correct diagnosis being acute frontal sinus barotrauma.

So now I have a course of turbo-strength antibiotics (that will also deal with malaria and syphilis saving me a trip to the other clinics I had planned) to zap the infection left by the ‘incident’. Also a barrage of drops and sprays to try and dislodge all the gunk up there. Nice…

Of course normally I’d expect dinner and a movie before allowing a complete stranger such intimate access to my cavities but he did ask very nicely and he promised me a lollipop afterwards…

I didn’t surf today.