Wanted – top quality girlfriend.


Qualifications must include –

A love of building sites – this is a prerequisite for all Papersurfer ‘family’ members.

Some level of aptitude in one or more building trades (for example – a central heating engineer would score very highly).

Artistic and musical inclination beneficial but not completely necessary.

A total lack of ‘hormonal clock’ issues. Both single mum’s and child haters welcome to apply (you have to like Papersurfer Junior though – because he’s loverly).

A love of the sea and/or a love of my love for the sea. You either have to surf, like loitering around on the beach alot or like doing something else somewhere else whilst I’m away for weeks on end surfing. This is non-negotiable.

Body shape and size is not an issue neither is hair/skin/eye or toenail colour – although being utterly gorgeous is absolutely necessary.

You must like having lots of nooky at random times during the day. I normally go to bed at the end of the day because I’m tired out from building or surfing or a bit drunky or all of the above. Of course you’re welcome to give it a go…

Ooh and snogging’s good too.

Ladies called Mr Woppit need not apply.

I didn’t surf today.


  1. My dear Fracas there is never any need to reiterate any form of inuendo to a member of the Papersurfer family – we were spoonfed it from day one.
    But a cold cloth would be nice – thanks…

    Good idea Mum – I may join you…

    Woppity? Brother? Come give me some big manly brotherly love!

    Sorry Baby. Will get typing as soon as I’ve done everything else I was going to do before getting round to doing the thing that I had in mind to do afterwards.

    Ms UDH – only if you feel you’ve had enough… x

  2. i feel i’d rather have you…oooo…. i just made myself blush!!

    have to go – i’m late for my finesse class xx

  3. Hey Boat Tart – if you know the Woppit then there is a strong possibility we may have met in the ‘real world’. Yachtmaster is good – I love boats. Big ones with cocktail cabinets…

  4. Tee hee Tweeny that would be about right. Apart from DP being a member of a covert organisation is about as likely as him having anything sensible to say. I think the evening could be beautifully disastrous though…

  5. Ignoring the usual abuse I’ve come to expect from the seed of my loin and that 70’s chick ….. hello Boat Tart – I’m a yachtmaster as well. I’ve seen you over at Mr Woppity’s – YOU seem very nice.

  6. I’m not sure we have met…I’m usually down a dark wine bar with the woppit swapping stories of storms at sea….Yes I like big boats but they must be of the stick and rag brigade…..with plenty of rum…

  7. boat tart nice? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    “row, row, row your boat… la laa la la alaa….,” baby is humming and singing… happily, without the twirling… but still happy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    nyummy nyummss…. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. oh, by the way… penfold,

    “Will get typing as soon as Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขve done everything else I was going to do before getting round to doing the thing that I had in mind to do afterwards.”

    your life is too complicated! hope you okay and get on with your life, happily… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    and oh, how about the search for a gf? has it been shortlisted? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    *good nite everyone and kisses too*

  9. Boat Tart – would that be the atmospheric depths of Numidie in sunny Crystal Palace..? A den of depravity and sin if ever I’ve seen one!
    I like my boats with flappy bits on the top as well and it’s true the Old Git is a yachtmaster too. He had to be good at something…

    Nite Baby – still no joy as nobody has turned up for their face to face interviews yet. I’ll wait up for 5 more minutes…

  10. I shall prepare the cold cloth, and assuming you’re planning to do job interviews before selecting the right applicant… I’ll be heading out to shop for a few more things you might find necessary.

    I might suggest you offer “apprecticeships” to the short list, and see how they work out first.

    See.. I’m just so much help.

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